A Night of Debauchery
by Kalta79
Summary: Cloud/Tifa's bachelor and bachelorette parties clash


"It's a great idea!" Cid told Cloud, after hearing out Reno and Rude.

"Why would I want to be a stripper?" Cloud asked, taking the drink Reno handed him.

"It's just for the night, this is your bachelor party, and instead of hiring a woman to come strip for us, you could go strip and have fun with multiple women instead of just one. It's your last night of freedom, after all." Reno argued.

"And you would earn extra money towards a down payment on a house." Rude added. "I know some good locations where you can get a decent house cheap."

"Come on, man, what do you have to lose?" Barret asked Cloud.

"My dignity." Cloud muttered.

Reno refilled Cloud's glass with an odd wink at Rude. "Do you want to have fun or not?" he asked Cloud.

"I don't know…this stuff is good, what's in it?" Cloud asked Reno as he finished his second drink.

"House secret." Reno smirked. "And you could honestly tell Tifa you were working if she ever asks you what you did tonight."

"I still don't know…how could I even get hired out for the night on such short notice?" Cloud felt his resistance to the idea weakening.

"Let us take care of that." Reno nodded at Rude, who took out his tablet and did some hacking to find out which male strippers had cars with GPS locators, and they all left to go find the closest.

Vincent followed the others out, wondering why he had even been invited, or more importantly, why he was going along with this. His only knowledge of people stripping for money were the test subjects of Shin-Ra Corporation who wanted to be members of SOLDIER.

Reno piloted the helicopter, finding the stripper's car driving on a lonely stretch of road. Rude hacked into the car's electronics and disabled it. The car stopped, and the helicopter turned the floodlight on as it landed. The men piled out, and Reno and Rude grabbed the stripper, binding and gagging him after they got his clothes off, and then carried him to the trunk and threw him in.

"Think of it this way buddy, you're off-duty for the night now, you've already been stripped." Reno said to the terrified man as he slammed the trunk lid shut.

The other men were convincing Cloud to put the stripper's clothes on as they found the address of his next job, and eventually they had Cloud ready for the job, and they all piled into the car as Vincent drove to the right address.

* * *

"You did hire a stripper, didn't you?" Elena asked Yuffie, as Tifa's bachelorette party was starting to fizzle.

"Of course I did! I don't know why he's late, he should have been here by now." Yuffie told her.

"Is the party over now?" Tifa asked, coming over to them.

"It wasn't much of a party to begin with." Aerith muttered under her breath, filling her cup up again. She had been drinking since the party started, because she wasn't too happy that Cloud had proposed to Tifa and not her.

"Let's open the presents now!" Yuffie exclaimed.

All the women assembled at the gift table, including Scarlet who had been drinking almost as much as Aerith. She smiled with malicious delight when Tifa opened her present, a collection of sex toys.

"Just in case Cloud doesn't turn out to be as good as you want, these will get you through it." Scarlet explained.

"You are all under arrest!" A familiar male voice boomed suddenly, but before the women could identify the speaker, the lights went out, and a spotlight appeared on a man in a police uniform as cheesy music started playing.

The women all froze as they saw Cloud standing there, who seemed a bit uncomfortable being the sudden center of attention.

"TAKE IT OFF!" Scarlet yelled, unable to resist.

A puzzled look passed over Cloud's face as the voice sounded familiar, but he didn't know what else to do, so he started pretending to dance and taking off the fake uniform. Once he was down to only the ill-fitting thong, the lights came back on, and Cloud froze as he saw Tifa holding a box of sex toys, surrounded by all the women she knew.

Aerith frowned, wondering why the stripper was just standing there...he looked familiar, but she didn't care, he was hot. She had saved up for this occasion for months, and she wanted her money's worth. She grabbed her wad of cash and drunkenly staggered to where he stood.

"Here ya go, big boy, now shake that ass!" Aerith started to put the money in his waistband, just as she passed out drunk, and since her hand still gripped the waistband of his thong as she fell onto the floor, the force caused his thong to fall down, exposing him to everyone.

"This is gold!" Reno exclaimed before rushing in and snapping pictures, as Cid and Barret fought over the camcorder to record the party. Rude and Vincent stayed in the doorway, and Reno couldn't see his partner's suddenly worried expression, until he felt a finger tap him on the shoulder, and he turned around to come face to face with Tseng.

"Care to tell me why the helicopter is parked on a deserted stretch of road, the lab has reported a missing vial and there's a stripper in the trunk of that car outside?" Tseng asked his second-in-command in a forbidding tone.


End file.
